Find you again
by Miss You Like Whoaaa
Summary: Lyra gets a crazy idea to be reunited with Will! Plz R/R
1. Default Chapter

,.~*^Will^*~.,  
It's hard to sleep at night thinking of her. Her meaning Lyra. Night is like a horror movie for me. Laying here in bed, with Kirjava cuddeled against me, I have way too much time on my hands.  
Way too much time to think. Of her. No one understands, really. They say they do. They don't. I find the love of my life and she's taken away from me. I regret leaving that window open for the dead. Sometimes  
I feel that it would've been much more worth it to have that one window so I could go to Lyra's world. And she could come to mine. I long for her so much. I love her and always will. There is no other. I know she would  
want me to be happy, but I can't help but wonder if she's going through the same thing...  
"Will," Kirjava says to me, feeling my thoughts. "You can't keep torturing yourself like this. She wouldn't want it."   
"I know," I say. That's the only thing I can say. I know she wouldn't want it. But how can I help it? How can Kirjava keep telling me the same thing, night after night. And then I feel a sense of shame because Kirjava is part of me,  
and she must be struggling just as much as me. I know she missed Pantalaimon just as much as I miss Lyra. Lyra...I shiver to even think of that name. Why is love so cruel to the two people who represent it?  
  
~*^*~.,.~*^*~Lyra~*^*~.,.~*^*~  
"Pan, It en't the same anymore. We can't do this!" I was on the brink of hopelessness. Pantalaimon leaped to my arms and tried as best he could to comfort me. It had been 2 years since Will and I's bitter parting. And yet I was still empty. He was still the biggest part of me.  
Sometimes I wish time would stop. I wish I could just smash everything to pieces. I know it en't right, but I can't help it! I scold myself for not loving Will every second that I could. Of course, I didn't know that after everything was done, we'd never see each other again. But   
I cry thinking we could've done more. I supose Pan and I will be alone forever. It's not that no one likes me. It's that I love no one but Will. And how could I love another? After everything. He saved my life billions of time. It just en't right that we have to be seperated like this!  
I collaspe onto my bed, weeping into my pillow. I want him to hold me close. I want him to tell me he's here and he isn't going anywhere. But he can't because he's worlds apart!   
My crying gradually subsides to the occasional hiccup and I feel Pan breahting lightly and I can tell he's asleep. Asleep like I wish I were.  
Asleep, huh? That's when I think of something brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Will and I promised we would wait for each other in the land of the dead...So...  
"Pan! Pan, dear! Wake up!" I shout shaking the once-sleeping form of Pantalaimon. Pan looks at me, he knows what I'm thinking. And of course, he shakes his head.  
"Lyra..How could you even think of it? You know Will and Kirjava would be furious with us!" he let a soft growl escape his chest as I roll my eyes. "Oh Pan, don't you see? All our suffering would be over! All we'd have to do is wait for Will!" I cried.  
"Don't you see? We're already waiting, Lyra! Nothing would change!" he retorts. But I refuse to give in and after more shouting and arguing, it's settled. We're going to kill ourselves..  
  
  
Okay, this is a little out there and I know I'm going to get alot of flames but it sounded so angsty! I couldn't resist. Please R/R... 


	2. The visitor

.O.Will.O.  
  
Well, I was having this really great dream. Lyra was there, and I was there and...Lyra was there. It was my first slumber in a long while. But it didn't last long. Because now I'm awake and there is a bright lining shining through the covers. It's too bright to be the sun. I slowly lift the covers off of me and peer out.   
And there's a bright being standing there...barely visible..  
"Xaphania??" I shout surprised and Kirjava bounds off the bed and sits on the floor, looking up at her.   
"Oh please tell me you've brought news of Lyra!" I cry out and wait expectantly. She just looks at me and I can tell something is wrong. And I can tell she's brought news of Lyra..maybe not what I want to hear.  
"Will," She starts and Kirjava and I exchange glances. She continues. "Lyra is in trouble. She misses you more than ever," but I can't help but cut in. "Oh, and I miss her just as much!" I say, and then apologize for interupting because now I'm growing perplexed at her facial expression. "Will, today Lyra and Pantalaimon plan to kill themselves."  
I just sit there. She's not serious. She can't be. Because Lyra is strong. Because Lyra wouldn't give up. Because we agreed to live our lives as best as we could. "And Will. Lyra is not done with her tasks, though neither of you know it. And although we can't tell you what the task is, she must stay alive for the full time she was meant to, as you must...." She says and looks at me  
as though it all depends upon what I do. What could I do? We're worlds apart. I feel like a knife has been stabbed into my chest. "Will, we are allowing you to go to her world. You must convince Lyra to live. The longest I can allow you to stay is a week but in that time, I'm counting on you, William. You've done alot but this might possibly be your biggest task. Because only you can do it."   
"Ahem," Kirjava starts and looks up at Xaphania. "And you." She says and smiles but it's false because I can tell she is worried. Worried that I'm going to fail. But I won't. I won't let Lyra die.   
"But Xaphania?" I start and her gaze flows back to me. "How will I get to Lyra's world?" I ask and she shakes her head.   
"That I cannot tell you, Will, although I wish I could so Lyra and you could forever live together. Just lay back down. Just go back to sleep.."  
And I do, though it's hard because my body is raging with excitement.  
  
Sorry! I know it's shorrrrrt! Plz r/r....heh...Easy on the flames...Please? 


	3. Falling tears

*~Lyra~*  
  
Pan and I decided we needed to go to the Botanic Gardens one last time. It feels like a part of us resides there. We both feel we need to let that part go before we do this.  
I wipe my eyes, which are beginning to fill with tears as we reach the gate. My vision is blurred, but I know the way but heart now. "Lyra.." Pantalaimon starts gently. "We don't have to do this. We don't have to do any of this." I pick him up and hold him tightly.  
"No, Pan. We do have to. You and I both know we can't keep going on like this. We have no reason to live anymore, so why even try? Nothing can make us feel better, Pan. It had to be this way, and I guess it has to end this way.." I say and I sit down on the bench. The bench Will and I vowed to return to every Midsummer's day. I feel Pan sigh against me and I hold back another wave of tears.  
I can't help but wonder, does it really have to be this way? I close my eyes and listen to the world around me, wishing Will's strong arms were holding me close to him.  
  
,.Will.,  
I woke up a few minutes ago. Kirjava and I were laying in the middle of the Botanic Gardens. But there's no time to wonder about an explanation. Because I can see Lyra's golden hair. She's sitting on a bench..about 100 meters away from me. I take a deep breath and wonder about making a dramatic entrance...No, and it's comfirmed by Kirjava's wise words.  
"They need us right now. There's no time for any games." She's right and we make our way towards the bench Lyra is sitting on. She has her back to me and it looks like she might be asleep. If she is, I'll wait. But as soon as I'm fairly close, I hear her soft, gentle voice talking quietly to something I can't see. Most likely Pan. I shiver at the sound of that voice. I've longed to hear it for years. But I gather myself because it sounds like she is starting to cry. "Lyra.." I say gently as Kirjava and I slowly cross to the front of the bench.  
And then I can see her face. Her bitter, tear stained face. I feel like my heart is going to melt. She looks at me with a perplexed expression and quickly rubs her eyes. "Who are-no..is it? Is it you?" She asks, as Pantalaimon leaps from her arms and runs to Kirjava. "Lyra! Yes, it's me! Lyra!" I say and run to her. And then she's in my arms. She's shivering, though it must be 85 degrees out. I can hear muffled sobs coming from her and she has her face burried in my chest. All I can do is stroke her hair and tell her everything is going to be okay.  
She doesn't even ask how, nor do I try to explain. We're just so caught up in the moment. I look down at Kirjava and She is playfully rolling around with Pantalaimon. I breathe in the scent of Lyra and smile. "Will.." she starts, and I know what question will follow. I don't want to tell her how I only have a week with her, so I stop her.  
"Shh..don't ask why or how. Just know I'm here." I say and lift her face up slowly. Her deep blue eyes are gleaming with tears, and I suspect my eyes are doing just the same. I stroke her cheek and more tears fall. I slowly brush them away and lean in for a kiss. I close my eyes and it happens so slowly. But as our lips are about to meet, she pulls out of my arms and steps back a few feet. Pan does the same to Kirjava and joins Lyra. And she looks so sad just then. I walk over to her slowly and pull her into another embrace, holding her so close, our hearts beat wildly against each other. She has her head on my shoulder and I feel wet tears falling on me.  
"Will..Will! I was...I mean..Me and Pan..We was..Oh, Will!" She cries and I gently kiss her cheek.   
"I know, Lyra," I say as my tears start coming out more rapidly. "I know..." 


	4. Peaceful Slumber

*~Lyra~*  
  
Being in Will's arms, Oh it's the greatest feeling ever. There en't anything more joyous for me. And even after all this time...I know he still cares. I know he still loves me. And I, of course, still love him, my darling Will. I close my eyes and I hear him whispering softly in my ear.  
"Lyra," he starts gently and nuzzles my neck. "I want you to know you that I am so proud of you. You've been so strong through all of this and I love you so much." Aww..En't that sweet??? I feel like my heart has just sprouted wings and fluttered away. I smile and tell him I love him too. We just sit on the bench,  
taking in everything. It's so beautiful, especially because the one person I love is sitting right next to me, holding me close. Yes...it's beautiful. I look at Pantalaimon who's cuddeled against Kirjava and I see the look of guilt on his face. How could we even think of killing ourselves? And what would happen if this didn't last?  
Oh..but this is here and now and I won't worry about what is to come because I want to savor this moment forever. I will remember this forever. I can't forget the electrical feelings shooting in my body and the shivers he sends up my spine. I kiss him and he smiles and hugs me tighter. Oh..When I die, I want to die in those strong arms. I want to die in Will's arms. It's late now, and I hear the clock striking 11 o'clock. I shiver a little,  
for it's grown a bit cold. He sees this and takes off his jacket, putting it around me. I smile and feel like crying. I've missed him so much. We don't have to speak any words to know what's going on. I look down and Pan, and he's curled up with Kirjava, breathing lightly. Asleep. Together. I look at Will and for a moment, I'm lost in those vivent green eyes. Like a forest you might get lost in, and you en't never would find your way out of. But I don't think I'd mind getting lost in that forest..  
  
~*Will*~  
She's beautiful. Her eyes are shining so brightly and I can see there's a saddness and a longing in them, for what, I'm not sure. I hold her closer and yawn. This is how I wish to be forever. Right like this. Lyra in my arms, and I protecting her from the dangers of the world. "Lyra.." I say and I pull her down on bench, so we're both laying. I'm so tired, too tired to get up. So is she, I can tell. She smiles and lays her head on my chest. In a few minutes she's asleep. I twirl her hair around and silently thank Xaphania.  
I don't think Lyra will kill herself..I certainly hope not. Even after I'm gone. I hope she'll stick it out. I don't know what tasks she has left, but they seem important. Besides, if she were to kill herself, I'd have to take my life also. Because it would be like apart of me died. Lyra is and always will be part of me. I can't deny it and I won't ever try. But I'm feeling my eyelids getting heavy and there's nothing more to do or say. This is how it should be.   
  
  
  
Sorry for it being so short! Oh and I guess I should add this...  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters....you all know this. I'm not Phillip Pullman and I don't own theeeeeem! Please R/R 


	5. Caring

(_Will_)  
  
Ah, that truly was the best night of my life. And I hope this day might be just as sweet. I'm awake first, and I look at Lyra, who is curled up against me. She's still asleep. I close my eyes, trying to paste this moment in my mind forever. I look at her again, and put my arm around her. She's grown so beautiful. She was so young when we had to part. Now, she looks like the wisest creature alive. And the most beautiful..I stroke her cheek and she begins to stir.  
"Oh..Will? Will." she says and looks at me with those ocean blue eyes. I can see past the depth. She tries to sit up, but her body isn't fully awake. She lays her head back on my chest and looks into my eyes. I feel a sting of pain. I have six days left with her..No. I'm not going to think of that now. "Lyra." I say and kiss her forehead. She looks dazed.   
"Lyra, are you alright?" I ask and she looks at me and smiles. "I'm fine," she says in a hoarse voice. I shake my head, she's sick. I look down at Pantalaimon, who looks dizzy. Kirjava and I exchange glances.  
I bite my lip and gently push her up off of me. I stand up and look around. It looks as if it might storm, so I help Lyra up. "Lyra, we need to find some shelter." I say gently. She nods and tries to take a step. Something is very wrong...She looks as if she might blackout. I rush to her side and pick her up. Lyra protests immediately. "No. No. Will, I can..I can walk." I stroke her hair and look back at Kirjava, who has the weak Pantalaimon in her mouth. "Lyra, you're sick. And I'm going to take care of you." I say and she sighs, knowing I won't give up. I hold her close to my heart as I walk out of the garden with Lyra in my arms. She guides me through Oxford, telling me where to go, until finally, we reach St. Sophia's School for Girls. Heh...What now? How am I supossed to just waltz in there, carrying Lyra. It's a school for girls...Oh well. They'll live. I casually walk in and it's deserted. Lyra smiles and tells me to go up the staircase. Kirjava walks along side me, with Pantalaimon still in her mouth.  
I walk up the spiral staircase slowly, until we reach the 2nd story. She points to a door and I slowly open it. I kiss her hot forehead as she trembles and I walk in.  
  
^!Lyra!^  
  
Oh, I just feel so terrible...but I bet I'd feel worse if Will wasn't holding me. I feel so dizzy. He lays me on the bed and Kirjava does the same with Pan. "Thank you," I whisper, and everything goes black.  
  
  
Short....heh..Sorry. Again.  
R/R?? 


	6. Lunch

*(Will)*  
  
She's asleep...or she's fainted. I hope she'll be okay. I pull up a chair and sit beside her bed. She's breathing lightly. Suddenly Xaphania's bright light appears and I stand up, shading my eyes. "What's wrong with Lyra???" I ask immediately. She turns her head to look at the sleeping form of Lyra and Pan. "Oh, she just has a little chill. It'll pass soon."   
"Can we have more time with them?" Kirjava asks hopefully. Xaphania shakes her head and sees our despair. "You have to build the Republic of Heaven alone." ...Yeah well, I think I'd rather just stay with Lyra forever. Suddenly, I want to be left alone and I hastily turn to Xaphania. "So did you come here to tell us something?" She looks a little taken aback but she smiles. "I just came to check and see that you were doing what I asked. Please, do remember to talk to her about it. She may seem fine, but it's because she's with you. I'll go now," She says and pulls me into an embrace. Then, as quickly as she had appeared, she was gone. I take my seat again and watch Lyra sleep. This might be very boring to an ordinary person. But when you're watching the one person you care about most in the world, it's a blessing. Kirjava jumps on the bed, and cuddels Pantalaimon. "Will?" she says and I nod. "Do you think there is a way that we can stay here?" I think for a minute. "I'm thinking that their might be a loop-  
hole. Maybe not...you never know. Let's not worry about it now, though." I say and she nods. I walk over to the bed and brush a strand of Lyra's hair away. She's so beautiful..I go and sit back down and just watch them. Atleast an hour goes by and then Lyra begins to toss and turn. All of a sudden, she sits upright and just looks around. Pan is quivering at her side. Our eyes meet and she blinks. "Lyra, what's wrong???" I ask, sounding a bit worried. She shakes and I walk over to her and hug her. She clings to me, as Pan does to Kirjava and I sit down on the bed, pulling her close to me. "Lyra.." I say quietly and she relaxes. I look at Kirjava who is trying to comfort Pan. Lyra whimpers a little and I kiss her. She no longer feels hot, but I don't understand what's wrong. Maybe a bad dream...After a few minutes, she seems to be okay. "Lyra, what happened?" I ask and she shakes her head. "I just had a horrible dream..but it was just a dream."   
"Are you feeling better now?" Kirjava asks Pan and Lyra. They nod in unison and I smile. "I'm a bit hungry, though," Lyra says and, now that she mentions it, I realize that I am too. "Do you know any good dining places?" Kirjava asks and, again, they nod. I help Lyra up and Kirjava does the same with Pantalaimon. "Err..Lyra?" I start and she cocks her head. "Will your teachers and professors be down there?" "Well...." She says and we laugh. I pull her close and look into her eyes. I take in the scent of her. Her hair. Her body. Lyra.   
  
^!Lyra!^  
  
William Parry is the greatest guy in the world. There en't another like him! He draws in for a kiss and our lips meet. This has to be our best kiss yet. Everything pours out from our souls into each other. I feel the love and desire deep within him. I part my lips and our tongues meet, exploring the other's mouth, entwining together. I move my hands to the back of his neck and slow massage it. He holds me closer and our kiss slowly lessens until, out of breath, we fall apart. We stare at each other, stunned...Like our first kiss..."I love you, Lyra," he whispers and I close my eyes. "I love you too...I love you too," I say softly. He smiles and a burst of fluid runs throughout my body. All the suffering was worth it. Will is back and everything is fine. I look at Pantalaimon and he has a look like he's been dazed. I look at Will again and sigh lightly. Oh, but not out of frusteration. No. It's out of love. A sigh that slowly whispers to the world that one truly is in love. We walk downstairs, hand in hand,   
and then out the door. We walk down the streets of my Oxford and walk into a little shoppe. We sit down at a table and Kirjava and Pantalaimon hop on the table. I look at Will and I stroke Kirjava softly.  
  
*(Will)*  
  
I feel an intense sensation shooting through my whole body. I'm overcome with pleasure and love, like when our daemons first became settled. Lyra sees this and smiles. I gently brush my hand over Pantalaimon and the same thing happens to her. Pretty soon a waitor comes over and asks what we'd like. I don't know what they have in this world so Lyra orders for me...She orders fish for us both and the waitor leaves. All we can do is lean lovingly over the table to look into the other's eyes. She gives me a playful kick under the table and I break out into a grin. I love her so much.  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: blah blah blah...I don't own them yeah R/R thanks 


	7. A Dream

Author's Note: Alright. Soooo sorry this took so long to get up. I didn't really know where I was going with the story…*Sheepish grin* I just like writing fluff…I turned it around. It still make sense but the story has totally changed…It fits though =)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics at the beginning of this chapter…I don't own any of His Dark Materials characters…Believe me…If I did, Will would be strapped to my bed and…Never mind. Hehe I'll keep my dark thoughts as just that…thoughts. I hope I didn't ruin this too bad…If I did…tell me. But please review, my faithful readers! Because I looooooove you!  
  
  
  
I still think about you.  
  
I still dream about you.  
  
I still want you  
  
And need you by my side.  
  
Still mad about you…  
  
All I ever wanted was you.  
  
Your still the one.  
  
…Your still the one…  
  
  
  
  
  
Will's dream ended with the sweet melody of a song that described just how he felt. He had heard it before…  
  
And then he snapped into realization. He sat up in bed, looking around. Bed…No! He was in bed!  
  
"Lyra! Lyra! You're here! Please say you're here!" he said, getting fully up out of bed. He was answered with silence, and then Kirjava's voice. "Will? Was that a dream?" she asked, looking just as dazed as him. "I hope not! No! It can't be!" He rushed around his room, looking for any sign of his beloved.  
  
………And found none.  
  
A dream. That's all he was left with.  
  
*  
  
Will and Kirjava were laying in the front lawn. "Will," he heard the other half of him sigh. "Mmm…" he stroked her fur and looked to the clouds. "You don't suppose Lyra and Pan are doing the same thing we are…At this same exact moment, do you?" she asked, perplexed.  
  
"Or perhaps they had the same dream we did." He chuckled a bit. But Kirjava bolted to attention. "Will! What if…What if that dream meant something!"  
  
He rolled his eyes. How could she be so optimistic when he felt so depressed? "Because I just know things are going to be okay," she answered. He laughed. "I'll never get a moment of privacy, will I?"  
  
"Nope!" she answered, nuzzling him.  
  
But still…he couldn't help but think that his life would was pointless.  
  
*  
  
Meanwhile, only miles away, but worlds apart, Lyra and Pan were discussing their dream. "Lyra. We wouldn't ever kill ourselves, right? I mean…it had to be…just a dream. We wouldn't do that." Lyra laughed. Pan was always worrying. "Oh Pan. It's foretelling our death!" she answered, sarcastically. A soft growl rumbled from his throat, causing more laughter to stir from the blonde girl. She stopped abruptly, sighing.  
  
"Pan…It's been three years and I still can't get over him," she whispered. Pan flowed onto her lap, under her hands, his soft fur tickling her fingers. "And I don't expect Xaphania intended for you to forget him…" he murmured back. "I just don't think it was supposed to be this way. Pan, did we do something wrong?"  
  
Pan looked thoughtful for a few moments before he answered. "It's possible. But…Somehow I think that whatever we did, we still wouldn't have ended up with Will and Kirjava."  
  
"Pan, dear…What do you mean?" Lyra was perplexed. "I'll tell you another day." He answered and looked away. "But I do know," he continued, in a barely audible voice. "That Will and Kirjava would be proud of us for holding strong." Lyra smiled. "Hey Pan?"  
  
"Yeah?" he answered. "Do you think Will would think I'm pretty? Or do you think he'd wish I still looked like how I did when he met me?"  
  
"The way you worded that confused me, but I know what you mean." He answered.  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"And yes, I think he'd be satisfied with the way you look now."  
  
Lyra smiled, walking over to her window, and drew back the curtains. She looked down and far off in the distance, she could see the bench she sat on once every year. She longed for Will…  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sorry! It's short…Do I ever have a long chapter??? Please R/R! 


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